Yesterday, we talked about deal breakers. Everyone has them, the only problem is that most of us have too many. So I have been trying to condense my imaginary list. Some are silly, some are serious, and some, if I really thought about it, probably could be tossed aside. Maybe. Well probably not. Anyway, for the time being, below are a few of the things that I absolutely cannot handle.
Dr. Martens: If they were as stylish as they are heavy, maybe they would have a fighting chance. Are you looking for an intense calf workout? Okay, then try Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shed. I hear it works wonders. Also, they have absolutely no grip – meaning that yes, you are going to slip and fall on your butt in the winter. But I guess maybe that’s your punishment for wearing them?
Shirtless Facebook Profile Picture: Vanity isn’t a pretty color on anyone. (I’m sure there are exceptions. Like beach volleyball pictures, fishing pictures, wakeboarding pictures ect… But we all know what I’m talking about. Might as well stamp “Self Absorbed” on his forehead and call it a day.)
Camouflage: If you’re hunting – great – by all means please wear it. And bring me some venison when you’re done. But otherwise, why are you wearing it and who are you hiding from? (This goes for any and all accessories, including seat and steering wheel covers.)
He Makes me the Punch Line of Every Joke: I like to laugh. I like when a guy can make me laugh. I don’t however, like being laughed at. I like jokes, but I don’t want to be one.
He’s Rude: Manners are attractive. Use them.
Bad Hygiene: This includes, but is not limited to: dirty beer breath, filthy/long fingernails, and repulsive body odor.
He Can’t Make a Decision: This might be hypocritical seeing as I hate making decisions (on the little things like where to go to dinner or what movie to see) But if we both can’t make a decision, we are going to sit at home, hungry and bored.
He Pouts or Whines More than I Do: Enough said.
He’s Unreliable: I like people whose YES’s mean yes and NO’s mean no. Meaning if he says he’s going to call, do something, or be somewhere, then he should do that, 100% of the time. Period.
Puka Shell Necklaces: The 90’s called, they want their necklace back. (They probably also want this joke back, but I’m okay with that.)